Sometimes I feel like I want my life to be over. I don't want to die. I have a lot of things to do with someone before I do, but I feel like. . . I'm living someone else's life. Not mine.
I'm tired of my parents' religion and trying to do the things they want me to. I don't believe they're right and I don't want it. Every time I go out with my siblings or friends, even if it's just shopping, I have to worry that someone from their church is going to see us and make a comment on how someone was dressed, how someone was talking, how someone was acting too immature. . . Or I have to worry that someone's making a new rumor about me to go around because some people enjoy causing trouble for other people. Or someone finding out about my boyfriend, of course. (it really hurts to keep him a secret when I want everyone to know how lucky I am, but I have no choice. . . ) There's so much time I have to waste sitting in their church, trying not to listen to the depressing things they try to repeatedly pound into my head. If I do listen, it can tear me apart and throw me into the blackest hole of despair. You can't even imagine. And I get so stressed out going along with everything, trying to lie low, trying to deal with their sermons, trying to deal with their demeaning looks, and trying to do my assignments. . .
The only thing that has kept me going is my angel. The one thing that makes me hold on. I just want this to be over. I wish he could take me away from here right now. I need to be with him. I need him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I'm tired of sitting and waiting for this life to end and mine to begin. I feel like a ghost. I don't really exist in this world and I don't really exist in his, either. . .
I'm aware that I said a lot of things that would need an explanation to be understood. Really I just needed to rant. It's seven A.M. and I still can't sleep. It's safe to say nobody is gonna be up to talk to right now. :x Typing them out, I feel a little better.
I'm sorry that I keep talking about depressing things. This is exactly what I didn't want!! I guess I just started this at a very bad time.
No comments:
Post a Comment